MeEeEeeeeee

I am building up these walls around me, solid concrete walls. Even the voices on the other side don’t come and bother me anymore. Everything that intend to come to me has to come through these walls which is mere impossible; the result is me in my own world for me, I want to break these walls now, but these are so strong that my efforts become worthless.
I so want to get out of this fortress I made around me but I am chained to a hook somewhere deep inside and not able to get loose. This entire process of trying again and again goes on and on and I fail every-time and the next time I go for it with lesser and lesser enthusiasm. Yes that’s me “the lonesome”, trapped inside my own domain with my own constraints and yes I am willing to break free, but I don’t find a force strong enough to pull me off these boundaries these walls or break through them and reach me…I am dying to come out…..
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Biren Bhatia

The Journey on never ending road !

I am walking on a road that never ends sometimes I even run to hop on more distance to reach the so called destination I have been following, but no use the road never ends. I reach something and again see something else and continue my journey leaving behind everything I had joy, friends, family yes even thoughts and feelings, reason being these thoughts and feelings make my journey prolonged its better to think of what I am going for, what is the run for, but in the end when I rest, take a breath the sadness the thought of no-one around me, the self proclaimed curse that I carry just screeches my mind, pushing the pain right at the bottom of my heart and deep down my soul, causing injuries that grow with time.

Yes I feel lonely sometimes I wish I could stop on this road, could put an end to this journey but …
I don’t stop to make new relations rather I move away, way...way beyond from the reach of the old relations friends family and foes, all berried deep down somewhere in my heart.
Time is running and so am I, am I running with time or ahead of it...nah nobody can run ahead of time, so am I racing with time or are we, both going on independent.

The road I travel has no end, but may diversion each leading to some new endless road, I feel someone running ahead and behind me on this road and I hope others are doing so on these diversions. I never met any of these running friends of mine, oops I called them friends strange but I really want to meet someone on this endless journey who stays with me matches my pace, neither ahead nor behind just side by side running on the same road having the same Journey, that way when I rest or take a breath I have someone with me, beside me to take away all those feelings of loneliness I ever had, but I fear yup I fear I may loose this special friend or mate, it may take some diversion running on some other parallel path or some path different.
And I have to continue on my road again with the same old feelings and the sadness and pain intensified with the grief of loosing this friend, so I decided not to stop not to look for this special someone.

I get dreams sometimes while I am off the road of Home, of friends and of family all calling me back running 180 degree backwards on the same path that leads right back at them but, I wake up and start a fresh again and start this non ending journey to reach the non attainable goals that I want. I think my journey to life would go on, and on, end on this road non-ending road.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Biren Bhatia

ONLY the LONELY

I have seen them getting old as I became a teenager; I have seen the pain, their waiting eyes loosing all the bright light in the hope of getting little personal attention, their ears dying to hear a personalized talk, someone saying “Yes I care”. Their lips always ready to talk but no-one around to hear, its nothing but a never ending, long life for them. I wonder do they wish to live in same misery and see/hear their children happy/sad or hope for reincarnation.

Looking at them one might think they were never young it has been centuries when they grew old, but I have seen them growing old. The way they are treated by their children is worse then they treat their servants and these children are my relatives only, I always wanted to intervene and say this is wrong that you all are doing they are your parents, they have done so much for you, now when they want to talk to you, need your attention you just behave they don’t exist. You pass ignoring them and that kills them within but still, their heart hopes for your good. You have stopped thinking about them but all they can do is think about it. You are too busy with your life and your free time goes in thinking about your family and cursing your parents why are they still here why do they speak in between, why do they even exist? That’s all you think, when you can spend those 10-20 minutes with them and bring a smile on their face, make them happy but you won’t caz you have turned your back towards them, it’s the spell of social evil the modern life that’s even worsening your situation. I feel I am a culprit to, I never speak a word in front of them about their behavior with them. I wish their children don’t keep them as they have kept their parents and I wish this silence of mine breaks soon and somehow or the other the separation created between them breaks or at-least decreases.

Do i know myself?

yeah thats the Question that comes to my mind
when ever memories come doin the mind
One mistake and then the other
i never improve over , my brother
you think you know yourself huh
look in the mirror and damn YOU can't see YOU
this whole thing no one has realized
caz alll you out there are buzy with ur lives king SIzed
money and work made be suck big time on emotional grounds
and the same is for u, no matter how crazy it sounds
listen to ur heart let mind play no game
why dont You and I behave like we used to and be same
creating history thats all we hope for today
We are so busy that we do everything and purposely forget to prey
u look at the gals and think to screw them wherever and whenever you can
no respect for anyone, u live like a damnn trash-can
You know deep down whats write and wrong
still u move to shitty places singing same old damnnn 'Mee Meee' song
this info u gave to me saying u know yourself well
I guess i am happy to ask "Do i know myself" oh and U damn...Go to HELL
:P
Biren

nothing jusss ....

take this touch from my soul, n take away my heart i don want this pain
or take my hand and take me with u to heaven or come back again

incomplete without u, ur smile ..my world foundation is just fragile
i am still living just to live and i lie to myself a 100 times caz hope is what all i can give

come back or take me away end this ..pain my love forever
life is becomin hell widout u i don wana live ..na never

gone are the days we spend together ..the times the talks that we did together,
hand in hands watchin sun rise and set on those stranded beaches campfire and those songs we sung along

memories thats all i have ...and they grow ..deeper day by day and i miss u more
this pain increases and is difficult to bore

so come on my live come back ..or take me wid u forever and always !

Biren :>

Dreams

Chasing
I am chasing dreams ...
My dreams ur dreams , mom's dreams sis's dreams going after dreams
i start with a dream follow, and see another and the previous dreams seems hollow
i change and switch to this new dream that all i can, yes i start dreaming again
one dream after other is seen, the completion of castle of my dreams has never ever been

these dreams now make me crazy i live in multiple dreams
conquering something & being sad over some, loosing something and partying 4 happiness to come
i am confused which dream was actually mine, am i living ur dreams?
or am i living a dream which has no ends which leads to no goal...

i look at the goal thru a dream ..and suddenly my dream changes
i wanna stay focused but this entire dream thing has no singularity it ranges
i wanna stick to one dream but theres nothing that stops it in one place i.e nothing hinges

my dreams sometimes have family and friends about whom i caree
u come to my dream often and make me further confused my dear
Caz in my dreams u go away from me leaving me all alone here

i wanna control u oh my dreams i wana see and conquer one at a time
but this illusions that u create make me confused and jus a mere pawn
it sometimes feels so damn bad that i wana stop dreamin and move on

cut the crap this is rap ...Yoo

yoooo there's this feeling goin thru me these dayzzz man
why the hell i don stand up n not get tr8td like trash can
i don wanna live life,its better i juss go hell n die
my bro. whats the use of wings if u can't fly reach high
Do this do that u don shit mee this good guy stufff makes me wanna pee
yes on ur face i'lll leave a trace i am ready for this big race
i'll take u all over and i'll win and living life 4 me no longer will be a sin
its all about winning and not abt trying ya dawg
screw all i am gonna succeed and clear this fog
i gotta believe in the force of U in me
i wanna be a better man in the mirror when i see
these words juss started in my mind a fight
they won come out thru my mouth right
i know i'll succeed now its my time
livinl life like i used to is a serious crime.


jus rhymin out fokes :P !
Biren

WHATEVER

its all about making the correct decisions at the right time
but with me its always the unexpected right decisions at wrong time
or it is wrong decisions at the write moment of time

somehow or the other i doo screw up things and feel Guilty about it
i am like this person who wants to go out and njoy and at the same time dreams of being at home
who wants to do things his way but wants no interference by some

its me who thinks I can and its again me that say's Can U?
its all going on here in my mind and heart, playin games all the time with me
and thats y i get confused and cannot remain as meee

sometimes if i do take correct decisions reaching the goal does not makes feel that happy
caz I says :IS that what u came this far, is it wat u wanted or u got driven by ur surroundings
i am good i am blesses woth many things, acting, photography..fine arts and i am a person who sings..

everything is there little but enough to be called upon as alive in me
i am not a perfect person wanna develop some skills that i will excel in
may be anything ....

i dont know where am i heading in life jus goin on the path that i see in front of my eyes
i don plan my future caz when i plan something it dosn work out
i loose hope and then i back out

i have stopped wanting things for me
i don't want anything now caz whatever i have hoped for ever
i got it late or Never..

i take life as it comes now and if i get anything i am happy now
caz its something better than nothing which i expect on
and thats how my life moves on...and all chances are goneee !
:P

na jane.....

ek ajeeb si bebabsi si hain is ..maan main
kya kyon kasie kab pata nahin hazaroo sawalo se ghira padha hoon
ladh ke jhagad ke ek se chutkara pata hoon to aur 2-4 se khud ko ghira pata hoon
kabhi shant nahin reh pata hian ye man bas yahi bebasi hain
yeh zindagi mukammal nahin hain , bas kis pardarshi sheeeshe ki botal main fasi hain

sab dikhta hain sheeshe ke bahar kya hota hain ..par use mehsoos nahin kar sakta hoon
is sheeshe ki botal ko tod kar bahar nikal nahin pata hoon
chahta hoon chahe mujhe koi par ..yeh dewar si bani hain beech main

sab ke maan ki sun leta hoon, ladte raho date rahoo unki uljhan ko suljhata hoon
khud na jane ek uljhan aane pe kitna ulajh jata hoon, date rehne ka soch bhi nahin pata hoon
main bhi kisi ke mooh se date raho main hoon na...sunna chahta hoon par har baar bas main hi logo ko date rehna kehta jata hoon
na jane apne uljhano main khud kyon uljha jata hoon, apne man ke hal ko suntae waqt khud ko tanha pata hoon

zindagi main kuch kamaya nahin bas gawaya hain, mere liye har rishta yahan bas paraya hain
zindagi vileen hain pardashi sheeshe ki botal main tanha hain
zindagi bas zinda hain...bas Zindaa hain.

yaadein

Yaadein aab to bas yaadein, begani raaatain, begani ratein hai
vaade nibhane the jo tumne, kaise nibhaye, kasie nibhayenge
Gum ye nahi hain ki raha nahin wo pyar hi, gum hain to bas yahi ki tum wo nahin TUM wo Nahin
Bhulane se yaad aati hain kuch aaise baatein hain
Jo milke bhool jatein hain ye untki batein hain..Unki baatein hain
Yaadein aab to bas yaadein, begani raaatain, begani ratein hai

yaadein aab to bas yaadein, sooni deewarein, sooni deeware hain
vaade nibhane the jo tumne, kaise nibhaye, kasie nibhayenge
Gum ye nahi hain ki raha nahin wo pyar hi, gum hain to bas yahi ki tum wo nahin TUM wo Nahin
Bhulane se yaad aati hain kuch aaise baatein hain
Jo milke bhool jatein hain ye untki batein hain..Unki baatein hain
Yaadein aab to bas yaadein, begani raaatain, begani ratein hai

yaadein ab to bas yaadein sirf teri baatein, sirf teri baatein nahin
vaade nibhane the jo humne nahi nibhaye nahin nibhaye kabhi ...
Gum ye nahi hain ki raha nahin wo pyar hiii..Gum hai to bas yahi ki Tum wo nahin ..wo nahin
Bhulane se yaad aati hain kuch aaise baatein hain
Jo milke bhool jatein hain ye untki batein hain..Unki baatein hain
Yaadein aab to bas yaadein, begani raaatain, begani ratein hai


Yaadein ,,,,,teri yaadein hain

PS:inspired by song yaadein from saurabh :P

BICHAR.....

bahut dino se ye aankein soyi nahin hain, maa ki goud jaisa sukooon kahan milta hain kahin
bahut din se neeend bhi poori hui nahi, ghar jitna sukoon yahan kahin milta kahan hain

yaad aata hainmaaa ke haatka khana, in sukhi rotiyoo aur masaledar sabjiyoo se pet to bharega par maan ko wo anand kahan aata hain
yaad aata hain wo mamta bhara sparsh, wo sir ki malish...kahn hain yahan kuch aaisa, itni bhagdaud main na sparsh hain na hi wo tael ki malish

yaad karta hoon jab guzre sare lamhein wo ghar pe wo masti, wo bachpana...wo maa ka pyar
tabhi dimag tika deta hain dhyan yahan ..."is FAST LIVING METRO" main ...bhago bhagoo yaar

bhago bhago yaar warna pichad jaoge, na jane kaunse duniya main pahunch jaoge
par sawal dimag main aata hain pichad jaoonga kissse ye mapdand ..kiske liye kise viruddh

yahan aapni zindagi aache se jeeloon bas yahi sochta jata hoon
yahn jab se kadam rakha ahin bas main bhagta hi jata hoon

sone main nahane main kahne main yahan wahan jane main
bas bhagnaa bhagnaa ..na jane kis race main bahga ja raha hoon main

akela ho gaya hoon maa bhai bahen sab ko najane kitne kos peeche
aab to bas phone pe hi baat kar paat hooon unse...wo bhi ....jada lambi ho to man kheejee

najane itna badlaav aaya kyon hain na jane ..ye bhagam bhag kyon hain
shayad har koi aapni daud main akela daudta jaa raha hain

is FAST METRO LIFE ke chalte har rishta dusre se door ja raha hain
na jane is bhagaambhag main insaan insaniyat bhula jeee kaise pata hain


Biren Bhatia

i ...Me and 'I'

i see my reflection in the mirror and see someone else,
where's the 'ME' gone i don't know
Help me to find me in me Caz i am in need of me and me needs me
i don't know when this transformation took place when did me disappeared and I came into being
I don't like this 'I' caz I is selfish mean and he restricts me from enjoying my life
i like me and i want me to become me again but 'I' again stops me from doing so
'I' says you have improved over the time and evolved U are professional now
i dont think there's a place for 'me' in between u an i
Oh my God i am stuck with this me and and 'I', me never says to come back
but i want me back but 'I' never wants so ....
I am so confused between the me and 'I'
so 'i' have decided to let loose of both me and 'I' and become i

न जाने किस झूटी परछाई के पीछे भागता रहता हैं ये मेरा मन
न देख कभी उसे फ़िर भी लगे उसका चेहरा देखा देखा, अपना सा
न छुआ उसने मुझे कभी फ़िर भी न जाने क्यों लगता हैं उसकी छुअन को पहचानता हूँ
नही मिला उससे पर लगता हैं सदियों से उसी के साथ रहा हूँ
उसकी सौंधी सौंधी खुशबू को बस महसूस कर ही लेता हूँ
न जाने कब होगी उससे मुलाकात उस छुअन, खुशबू का सत्य मैं आभास करूंगा
डरता हूँ वो परछाई कहीं खो न जाए मन के किसी कोने मैं, वो खुशबू, छुआन भुला न दे ये दिमाग या भूल जाऊँ मैं
ज़िंदा रखना चाहता हूँ उस छवी उस परछाईी को अपने अंतर्मन मैं
कहते हैं लोग मुझे की तुम पागल हो गए हू अनजाने सी छवी के पीछे आपने जीवन को व्यर्थ कर रहे हो
उन्हें कैसे समझाऊ ये जीवन उस छवी के बिन व्यर्थ हैं विलीन है , उसको सोचे बिन टू शायद मैं जी ही नहीं पाऊँगा
उस चहरे को पास से देखना चाहता हू , महसूस करना चाहता हूँ , पर न जाने वो चेरा इस भीड़ मैं कहाँ खो गया हैं
शायद वो चेहरा किसी पराये के लिए अपना हो गया हैं पता नहीं होगी भी या नहीं मुलाकात उस परछाई से

न जाने इस झूटी परछाई के पीछे क्यों भगता रहता हैं ये मेरा मन

rain rain

the first drop the first breeze ..the first rain and yes i am juss lovin
lovin the breeze lovin the rain, wanna go wild get wet but momma told me again 'n' again
"First rains are harmful son, don get wet, u'll get ill i can bet
LAter u can have all the fun, when there is rain and no sun

and yes came the second rain and momma's son went out again
played cricket and football, was wet and covered with mud overall
he njoyed every part of it, yes each and every drop was part of it
thanked God for showering the rains and prayed he could get wild again

Mommas boy loved rain so much tat i can't say, Let it rain all da12 months tat was his pray
Every time when it rained, he came out and all his clothes were filled with mud stains
he played with friends in rain, with all the drops, the breeze and yes the mud and went all insane
The boy loved the rain and wanted it to shower again and again and...AGAIN

बारिश

वो पहली बरसात की पहली बूँद का स्पर्श, चहरे पर अजब से खुशी ले आता हैं
और हमारा दिमाग थोडी देर के लिए सब भुला जाता है |

बस दोनों हाथों को खोल के बारिश का स्वागत कर ही देता हीं इंसान
थोड़े देर के लिया सब भूल जाता हैं, कहता हैं "शुक्रिया भगवन"|

बारिश की बूँद जब पहली बार मट्टी को छूती तों उसमे समिलित हो जाती है
फ़िर वो सौंधी सी खुशबू आता हें जो हमारा तन मन प्रसान कर जाती हें

बारिश की पहली बूँद सूखे खेत के बंजर जीवन मैं नई धड़कन की आस जगाती hai
उस किसान के मन मैं उम्मीद की आस जगती है

बारिश मेरे बंजर मन की मिटटी में हलकी सी खुशी की नमी लाती हीं
और फ़िर से खुल के जीने का संदेसा लाती है

बहदेता हूँ सरे आँसू में बरसात में, नहीं दिखान चाहता हूँ किसी को भी इन्हें मैं
शायद खुल के बस बारिश मैं ही रो पता हूँ मैं

बारिश मेरे लिए ख़ास एहसास लेके आती हें ,बस हर बार बीते पालो की याद लेके आती है
बारिश की पहली बूँद अपने साथ सुख और हसी का संदेसा लाती हें

बारिश की पहली बूँद का स्पर्श, चहरे पर अजब से खुशी लाती हैं
और दिलो दिमाग से थोडी देर के लिए सब गम ले जाती है |

बारिश की पहली बूँद जब बी आती हें, मुझे खुशी देके जाती है

डोर

एक नाज़ुक से धागे से जुड़ी हीं ये रिश्ते की डोर
कमज़ोर होती जाती हैं ये, न जाने किसके मन मैं है चोर

हम दोनों ही जुड़े रहना चाहते हैं हमेशा, इसी डोर से, पर
नई डोर दिखती हैं, हम उस डोर को पाना चाहते हैं और सोचते हैं मिल जाए ये अगर

कोई नई डोर किसी नई जगह से आके जैसे ही जुड़ जाती हैं
हमारी डोर फ़िर से कमज़ोर पढने लग जाती है

सताते हैं, कभी एक दूसरे को रुलाते हें, इन रिश्तो की डोर मैं कभी कभी अपनी डोर को ढूँढ नहीं पते हैं
परेशां होते हीं इस रिश्तो की डोर के हर धागे को, हम ,कमज़ोर करते जाते हैं

कभी कभी लगता हैं हम दोनों तोड़ने पर तुले हुए हैं इस डोर को जिससे हम जुड़े हुए हैं
पर नजाने हर बार क्या हो जाता हैं है यह डोर का नाता और मज़बूत होता जाता हैं


इस डोर के सभी पहलू से हम दोनों अनजान हैं , कभी कमज़ोर होजयेंगी कभी नई उम्मीद जगएँगी
न जाने ये डोरे हमें ज़िंदगी के कैसे कैसे पहलु दिख्लायेंगी

डर लगता हैं कहीं उलझ न जाए ये सभी धागे कहीं
वो डोर जो जोड़ती थी सब को मुझसे से वो, कभी बनेगी ही नहीं |

Biren:)

नन्ही परी

एक छोटी सी परी, हर रात अपने बाबा को तलाशती, बाबा कहानी सुनायेंगे
और कल खिलोने और टॉफी  लेने  का वादा देके जायेंगे|

हर रोज़ उसकी अम्मा, उसके उठने से पहले उसके सिरहाने एक टॉफी , रखती थी
बाबा आए थे छोड़ के गए तेरे लिए, काम पर चले गए हैं  कहती थी

सालों गुज़र गए  नन्ही परी बाबा को बस तस्वीर मैं ही देख  पाती थी
उस नन्हीं परी को अपने बाबा की याद बहुत सताती थी

अम्मा से बहुत पूछती की "कब मिलूंगी बाबा से ओ माँ"
कभी प्यार से कभी डांट से समझती थी माँ |

बाबा चले गए छोड़ के ये जग, नहीं बता पाती थी माँ
हर बार नया झूट नया बहाना बना देती थी उसकी माँ

नन्ही परी हुई बड़ी, पूछा दोस्तो ने की तुम्हारे बाबा हैं कहाँ
माँ से कुछ न पूछा परी ऊपर देखा और कह दिया दोस्तो को, वो हैं वहाँ

नन्ही परी बाबा की जल्दी ही हो गई थी सायानी
करती बातें ऐसे जैसे हो वो अपनी अम्मा की नानी

ख़ुद को अम्मा को संभाला नन्ही परी ने और रखा ख्याल
पर कभी न पूछा उसने अम्मा  से वो सवाल

वो नन्हीं परी पराये घर को शोभित कर रही हैं
अपनी आमा और बाबा का नाम वहाँ भी रोशन कर रही हैं

अम्मा अभी भी अपने पुराने घर  मैं  बाबा की यादो को गले हैं लगाती
और अपनी नन्ही परी को याद करके उसकी आंखें है  भर जाती |

U and me

One day u feel like crying.... call me. I dont promise that I will make u laugh, but I can cry with u.
If one day u want to run away-- dont be afraid to call me. I dont promise to ask u to stop......but I can run with u.
If one day u dont want to listen to anyone.....call me. I promise to be there for u but also promise to remain quiet.
But one day if u call......and there is no answer.....come fast to see me. Perhaps I need you.

DISCLAIMER: "not mine" but i love these lines so posted here!

BIREN

Belief

its not that i don't believe in THE HEAVEN
its not that i believe that days in week can be 8 and not SEVEN

its the thing that comes to my mind every now and then whever i have been,
why should i follow, believe in things i have never seen

why should i follow the rules i never made
why should i respect the boundries that someone else laid

why should i believe the stories that were told
why should i practice and belive religion/rituals that are outdated and old


I believe in the FORCE , we all say GOD caz of WHo we all are there
but sometimes i loose faith when i see the sufferings and the deaths here.

i have felt this urge to live life like no common man
live it my way with faith and believe that always says "YES i can"

want to lay down new routes to this world "a new thinking"
want to prevent this life force from simply sinking


want to explore and experience and then satisfy me
want to believe in LIFE, in U and in things i have never seen

but its the thing that comes to my mind every now and then whever i have been,
why should i follow, believe in things i have never seen

its not that i don't believe in THE HEAVEN
its not that i believe that days in week can be 8 and not SEVEN

hum na jane kyon hamesha doosre ke jahan ko apne se behtar mante hain,
aapne kal ke liye aapne aaj ko bigada karte hain.

hum har pal apne aapko behtar banane ki daud main na jane kitni choti khusiyoon ko peeche chod aate hain,
mudh ke dekhte hain to in khusiyoon ka koi nishan tak nahin rehta, aur isi gum main aane wali khusiyon ko bhithokar maar dete hain.

hum ajeeb sochte hain ajeeb karte hain aur apni har kami ko kisi aur ki galti ka cholaa pehna dete hain
kuch aacha hoo to usmein aaapna hissa lene se peeche nahin hote hain

hum kitne matlabi hote hain,apni khusi ke liye najane kitno ko gum de dete hain,
galti se kisiko hasa bhi diya to ismein bhi ghamand ka anubhav kar lete hain.


hum apno ko bhool jate hain aur parayoon ke peehce bhagte jate hain
bhagwan ko dil kijagah hum ....mandir main sthan dilate hain

humne dil zammer kab ka khatam kar diya hain practicality ke naam par
sahi ko nazarndaz, aur jhoot ka saaath diya karte hain apni society ke naam par

humein aason aate hain to rok lete hai, ya kahoon humare ason sookh gaye hain
doosro ka gum to chod hi do, hum apno ke liye aaj insensative ho gaye hain

raeth ke ghar banate hain, hawao se udne par fir se naya banane main jut jate hain
najne kiske ghar ki raeth hum aapne ghar main le aate hain

paise ke liye kuch bhi kar jate hain fir isi paise se use chupa bhi lete hain
itna sab hone ke baad bhi hum me se kai raat ko chain se so lete hain

HUM aaise kaise jee late hain?

Biren